He placed the tall pink drink in front of me, sliced a pineapple and slid it perfectly onto the rim of the glass. He smiled. I watched this man behind the bar as he made drink after drink, cutting fruits, squeezing limes, making each and every glass as if it would be for the last customer he’d ever serve. Perfect. Nick started conversing with him and we learned his name was Armando and when he’s not working, he likes to fish, mostly for grouper and tarpan. Clueless to what these were, I sipped my fruity beverage while the two of them exchanged stories and photos. I started thinking. When I arrived here on vacation, I looked at each of the hundreds of employees and it never even crossed my mind that each of them live somewhere, probably have families, and hobbies beyond working a twelve hour day in the boiling sun. I started wondering how the Lord works in each and every person in the world and calls them to work somewhere, fall in love with certain things and certain someones, and how he uses each of us to change the world little by little. I thought about McCoy and all of the adventures that are ahead of him. I wondered what he’ll be good at, what he’ll enjoy, and what direction God will lead him. And then I started thinking about myself. Someone, who in the last eight months, I haven’t thought about, not even just a little. Becoming a parent changes you. Realizing you will never ever be a perfect one changes you even more. I kept thinking, digging deep into my heart, asking God what direction I should go. I felt selfish. How can I think about myself when I have a tiny human to care for? How can I feel okay about taking this vacation when there is so much to be done? When I am a wife and a daughter and when there is an entire family that needs me. But here I sit, toes in the water, witnessing paradise, and as much as I feel the need to think about others, He keeps bringing me back to myself.
The art of creating a balanced life comes very naturally when we accept that changes and transition will always be the constant. Happiness is not something that just happens to you, it happens for you. When, of course, your are ready to take the time and feel it. The good, the bad, the hard, the holy. I know the Lord is pulling me in certain directions I just haven’t taken one minute to actually consider them. He wants me to capture moments, raw instants, and he wants me to share them with the world. I can feel him pushing me to heal people with movement and with breath. The idea, however, of sitting in front of a room full of people with all eyes on me sort of makes my stomach turn. And yet I want that feeling more than anything in the world. And for all of the reasons I keep turning away, He keeps leading me back.
The important thing to remember is this: show up. Listen, experience, fail, and keep trying. The more I walk in my relationship with Christ, the more I realize that life has never been about meeting expectations. It’s for being you, exactly the way you are, and having a little bit of bravery to keep showing up because you owe it to yourself.
He will take care of the rest.