I'm going to make this short and sweet. I'll be honest and tell you that I'm running on two hours of sleep and one full pot of coffee and as the clock gets closer to nine o'clock, I think I need my bed. Somewhere between getting in an extremely big argument with my brother this week and some little lady wanting to buy my car, I feel completely lost. On top of this, I decided that yesterday would be a good day to quit my job and that's exactly what I did. Yep, quit it. Just like that. For one reason or another I'm finding it extremely difficult to write about all of the easy things about my days yet all of this hard stuff flooding in and out of my brain wants to pour out like a summer storm. So, with every ounce of energy I have left, I'm going to try to simplify what's left of my day and enjoy a rice cake with peanut butter and pear and laugh all giddy like at the fact that Beretta just belched louder than a bear. I think life can be pretty tough for a lot of people these days. There is something about our modern lifestyles that can feel pretty unnatural. We are stuck in cubicles from nine to five, stuck in social media from five to midnight, and forcing ourselves to live well and be well the seconds in between. It is days like today where I wish with my whole heart that I didn't own a computer or a cell phone and that I lived on a farm. Despite all of this I'm still sitting here, pondering my thoughts on my favorite electronic device, with my phone and a cup of tea by my side.
So here I am, jobless, over caffeinated, and hating my iPhone, but I think that's okay. I think I'm still more tired and happier than ever. I walked away from a steady paycheck and health insurance but I like to believe that I'm walking towards freedom. The freedom to be exactly what I want to be. The freedom to hold my camera and build my website and call my clients and explore other jobs and adventures. So while these modern day lifestyles may play a part in all of our exhaustion, they are also my ticket to explore and in some weird and frustrating and [still wishing that I was on a farm] sort of way, I'm okay with that. Last night, restless and sad, I went for a walk at midnight and shopped for cars until 3 AM and decided that whatever happened between my brother and I, quite frankly made me love him even more. I felt so lost and so completely found all at once.
Today I focused on everything simple - the fine print of my life if you will. I looked at my walls and I my floors and my windows and I noticed that my eyes kind of sit deeply behind my cheek bones. And they're dark brown, like really really dark brown. I held my puppy's paws and smiled when I realized that they are just as big as my hands. I put my phone down. My iPad down. My computer away. I heard everyone's hello's and I saw them too. I realized that while everyone was going about their modern day lives, their features and their words were actually very very simple.
So no, I don't think it's our cubicles nor our electronic devices that are making us tired. I think it's the crazy and beautiful and hectic things that this world continues to give us on a daily basis and whether we want to indulge in it all or let it go. There is no right or wrong way to live here, just accepting what rests on your heart. When your world get's busy, seek simplicity. Seek freedom. Seek forgiveness and love. And when it get's quiet and slow, seek friendships and Facebook and iPhones. But in the midst of that chaos remember to be you and be free. Job or no job, phone or no phone, farm or no farm - be free.
And remember, puppy's over everything. Everything.