a soul mate.

Tonight I sit here, lounged out in my rummage sale glider, watching my husband put nursery furniture together.  Piece by piece, he screws boards together and this tiny space begins to feel more and more like our little babe’s nest.  My notepad presses against my belly and sweet little kicks flutter inside of me like magic.  Rocking myself back and forth, feeling both fragile and strong, I realized that all of the difficult parts of this pregnancy are going to be so extremely worth it.  Pregnancy has allowed me to experience things that I never imagined, both good and bad, and yet somewhere in the mix I seem to have forgotten that it isn’t just about me and what is occurring in my body and thoughts.  The man in front of me, hunched in a ball screwing six sets of drawers together in one hand and sipping on Grain Belt in the other, is taking on just as much as me.  Maybe even more.

He’s the quiet one.  The one who worries endlessly about me yet holds me night after night reassuring me that everything will be okay.  He is smart.  He reads about our baby and tells me things that as a woman I should know but sometimes don’t.  He sits in dressing rooms with me until we find something that doesn’t always lay in the most flattering way, but at least makes me smile.  And he cherishes me and the little boy inside of me in a way that makes me fall deeper for him with every one of my breaths.  His soul is warm, his love is strong, and his voice is a comfort that settled deep within me the very first time we spoke.  

As I watch him build his boy’s bedroom I imagine the two of them together and in this moment I realize something as both a wife and a mother for the very first time.  I am not building and creating this tiny life for me, but rather so that I can experience our little boy build his life with us.  There will come a time where his dad will teach him things that as his mom I will not be able too.  And then a moment will come when I’ll be able to teach him about soul mates.  About the person that will come into his life and all of a sudden everything falls into place just perfectly just as his father has done for me.  It will be hard as hell, but so indescribably perfect.  And that’s what a soul mate does, they make this harried unpredictable world a familiar place to belong.  And I will look to his dad and smile, just as I am now, and I will tell my son that somewhere between a boat ride and constructing his resting space, we became lovers, and somehow it has fulfilled a part of me that I didn’t even know I would miss until this very moment.

To this man, thank you for being the kind of man that will make my life a forever kind.  Thank you for being the calm one when I’m losing it.  Thank you for being the amazing father whom I already know you’ll be.