I went to yoga this morning. I felt selfish. I left my house uncared for. I left my adventurous toddler with my mother in law to drive thirty minutes for yes, a yoga class. I moved through class with negative feelings and realized that our thoughts have this remarkable power over our life. You can make your world or break it just by thinking. I was hurting because I was painfully aware of the thought that taking time for myself was wrong. This year I transitioned from working full time to staying home with McCoy. If you are a stay at home mom or parent I wish I could give you a thousand brownies..or venti iced coffees. My point is, the act of waking each day and going somewhere gives your soul a purpose. I’ve sort of shamed myself into thinking that I need to be cooking and cleaning all day to prove to my husband that I’m being productive, when he could really care less anyways.
Thoughts. They make us or break us. Can I tell you something that I’ve learned during this transition? I’ve experienced both. I’ve felt the struggles of having to leave my baby every day to go to work so that heaven forbid our health insurance is paid for. And I’ve felt the isolation of being in a home for 10 hours each day, reading book after book, singing song after song. Frankly, some days I wish the wheels on that stupid bus would just fall off or Elmo would just sleep. But no matter which way the tables are turned for you, I promise that the love you have for your child will be the same. There is no such thing as ‘I would be happier if…’ because you can choose to be happy now. I felt the heat sink heavily into my hips and I accepted that with every season comes transition and change.
So in this complex and frustrating world, today I show up as a mother, who sometimes sucks at the whole thing. But I will show up anyways. I will be a friend, teacher, and ass wiper to my toddler because I rest in peace knowing that each and every day he has me. And I have him. And that’s just enough to not quit.